Breaking The Boy Code: A Culture of Silence
Challenging the rules that break boys before they become men.
OUR STORY
When a boy is understood, he becomes a man who understands. When he is allowed to feel, he becomes a man who can heal.
MENDAYA began with the story of a boy who grew up carrying wounds no one could see: loss, abandonment, violence, and the silence that follows when a child is told to be “strong.”
His childhood was shaped by places that should have protected him but instead broke him: homes filled with fear, schools where pain was dismissed, and streets that became safer than the people meant to care for him.
As he grew, he learned something important:
Boys do not become strong by hiding their pain; they become strong when someone finally sees it.
Years later, that same boy, now grown, discovered healing in creativity, stitching fabrics and finding meaning in discarded things. He met street boys who reminded him of himself: hungry for safety, hungry for expression, and full of imagination the world never nurtured.
MENDAYA was born from that moment of recognition,
a commitment to ensure no boy has to walk through pain alone again.
Today, MENDAYA stands for every boy who has been unseen, unheard, or misunderstood, and for the belief that their stories deserve a different ending.
THE PROBLEM
Boys are often raised to be strong. But strength in many households doesn’t include being soft, crying, admitting fear and showing vulnerability. Boys who fall are told to “get up.” Boys who cry are told to “stop acting lie. girl” Boys who feel too much are told to “man up.” This is what we call “The Boy Code.” It is an unspoken rule that told boys to bury their emotions.
In Nigeria, boys are expected to get things right. Our mistakes are met with severe beatings. Our silence is called strength. From classrooms to homes, corporal punishment is celebrated as the path to effective correction and discipline.
Many grow up in homes marked by poverty, abuse, neglect, and violence. Every whip mark tells him his feelings don’t matter. Every insult convinces him he’s not enough. Instead of guidance, he receives punishment. Instead of learning to express, he learns to suppress.
This Cycle of Violent upbringing leaves deep scars
They develop aggression, emotional numbing and become violent towards others. They drop out of school, run away from home, end up on the streets. They turn to drugs, or crime to survive. They become men who were never taught to process pain or talk about their emotions. They grow up without positive role models present to hold their hands in their most vulnerable stage.
We Imagine a different path
Where boys are taught that true strength is being vulnerable enough to cry, to feel, and to heal. If we do this, they will grow into men who protect, not harm. Men who build, not break. Because it’s easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.
BOYS BILL OF RIGHTS
Our Manifesto
Every boy is born with light in his eyes and dreams in his hands.
But too often, the world teaches him to hide it, to bury his feelings, to silence his pain, to trade tenderness for toughness.
We are rewriting that story.
This is our creed.
This is our right.
Right To Cry And Be Vulnerable
A boy has the right to be vulnerable and emotional without shame. Tears are not weakness; they are language. They speak the words the heart cannot say. To cry is to be human, and to heal. He should not be punished for feeling, nor mocked for caring. His softness is strength, and his heart is not a flaw to be fixed, but a gift to be protected.
Rights To Feel Safe
A boy has the right to feel safe in his body, in his home, in his streets.Safe in his body. To be himself without fear or harm. His voice matters, in the classroom, in the family, in the community. Silence should never be the price of belonging. He has the right to a sense of security in belonging to some group. He is by nature gregarious, and the cultivation of that instinct will bring him many joys and help in life.
RIght To Play And Dream
A boy has the right to the kind of play that will stretch his imagination, tax his ingenuity, sharpen his wits, challenge his prowess and keep his self-starter going. A boy has the right to the pursuit of happiness. To imagine beyond the boundaries of poverty and pain.To dream, to create, to build, to be his authentic self.
Right To Love And Be Be Loved
A boy has the right to love and be loved, not for what he provides, but for who he is. Love is his first language, he must never be forced to forget it. He has the right to learn who he is, and who he can become. He must be taught empathy, not ego. Respect, not repression. Purpose, not pride alone. He has the right to affection and friendship.
Right To Basic Amenity
A boy has the right to education and training that amplifies his own natural talents and will prepare him for a job he likes when he becomes a man. He has the right to safe shelter, clean water and food, healthcare, clothing that protects him, proper hygiene and good nutrition. He has the right to freedom of expression and the pursuit of happiness, and to live with dignity and respect.